You Can't Win

Listening to: You Can't Win By Kelly Clarkson



So, as I'm listening to this song, it occurs to me how true this song  is. Here's the thing, everyone has an opinion on everyone and everything. I was just complaining the other day that it is so tiring to have an opinion on anything or to make any kind of decision because everyone in my life wants to know why I made the decision that I did. Whether it's my family who's concerned that I'm making the right choices, a co-worker who asked me  my political and religious views so that they can argue with me or some complete stranger who has decided I'm some kind of idiot because of my age, gender or ethnicity, there is no way I can win. At all or ever.

So, now I'm going to throw in some religious stuff that applies. Don't go away just yet. My pastor was preaching on the UnPresidential Servant. He was talking about Jesus. His ultimate implications for this sermon was that you have to expect people to disagree with your views. No matter what they are. He also said that we should do more and talk less, choose wisely and be discerning. His final point was that Jesus is the Christian Commander-in-Chief. But yeah, my point in bringing this sermon up is that people are going to disagree with my beliefs and my actions but as long as my views are sound and my actions are fair(definition: giving everyone the opportunity to have a chance) then I need to forge ahead and stand by them no matter what happens. But of course, I will apologize if along the way I am wrong too. You'd be surprised how many people wouldn't.

I wanted to post the sermon up here too, but it's not posted on my church's  website yet, will do so when it is.

D.E.O.

Today has been an interesting day. A group of people at my church just started a small group for Recent College Grads. We are calling the group D.E.O. It's got a 2 fold meaning. Deo means to God or for God. And the acronym is Devoted to Each Other.

We really hope that this Christian small group will be able to grow, trust and rely on each other fully in Christ.

So, today, we went to First Watch for Breakfast it was delicious. There were about 5 of us and I can barely remember the last time I went there. But I really want to go back. Go check out yelp if you want to know more about what I think about it.

Sadness, Happiness and Joy!!!!!!

There has been a lot of sadness, a lot of happiness and maybe even a little joy.

• Crying with my sister and for my sister
• Being happy for a man who got a job
• joy at seeing a person break down their walls and let me in
• knowing I lost another one
• creating something new and remembering something old

one does not necessarily have to do with the other, and I was cryptic on purpose. So, to offset all the sadness, happiness and joy, here's a picture of my beautiful steaks!

The most beautiful and delicious steaks I ever made

and the cutest cat I have seen this year!

What is Boredom?

I find myself perpetually bored. But the thing that I most wonder when I'm bored and when I'm not, is What the heck is boredom? Is it the feeling of laziness? Is it a lack of challenge? Maybe a lack of interest? Whenever I ask someone what their definition of boredom is, I get a long rant of nothing and then a shoulder shrug.

So I ask, What is Boredom? Why do we have it and why are so many people of my age and younger bored? Why do we lose interest so quickly and what can we do to fix it? I have no idea.

I wrote this because I'm bored. My boredom has always been quite funny to me. When I am bored, I putter around playing mindless games like tetris until I get SO bored that I actually go do something like write a blog post on boredom. Yeah so.....That's my contemplation and rambling for the day. PEACE!

Westboro Church prevails in Snyder v. Phelps

Today, The Supreme Court's decision came out on the case of Snyder v. Phelps. I have mixed feelings and am overall sad about their decision. There are three reasons:

1. The First Amendment is being used by hate groups to hide.
2. The Westboro Church will view this as a victory from God, and further the persecution Christians must face because of their use of Christianity to support their hateful views.
3. More military families will have to face these people while trying to get through their grief of losing a loved one.

The First Amendment has been used by many people as protection against persecution. It has been used for both good and bad. The Supreme Court has gone through great lengths to protect the broad protection of the First Amendment because Freedom is what our Country has been built upon. But at what point is too much freedom a bad thing? Is it when groups like the Westboro Baptist Church can throw hateful messages around and antagonize military funerals as long as they talk about national issues and follow the rules given to them by the authorities? Or do we have to wait until complete anarchy has overrun the earth? I am not saying that our country is moving to anarchy, but it is possible. I just want to know, when does freedom become too much?

The Reason I am most sad, is because the Westboro group is calling themselves a baptist church. I would like to know, just what part of their mission, their message, is baptist? What part of it is even remotely Christian?

I understand that the Westboro Church believes they are doing the right thing and that they believe that God has turned away from the U.S. But don't these people deserve the privacy of their grief? If God did indeed strike down these men who have died because of homosexuality and others issues, should they not leave indiviudal members alone and go on a national level? Go into politics, the media, and other public sources without preying on private matters such as funerals.

Washington Post Article:
http://tinyurl.com/4maccpv

Laptop Troubles, what is this world coming to?

So, granted not everyone in the world is wired, but most of us are these days. It's common for the average middle class person to have an iphone or other high-tech phone, itouch or ipod, a laptop and possibly an e-reader which seems to be the next big thing. I mean, yeah...I have all of these things too because I am your average middle class college student. What really threw me is, I broke my laptop yesterday. It's fixable, but because I don't have my repair cd with me, I have had to go a whole day without my laptop, and it is so hard. I guess I didn't really notice how impaired I am without it.

Last night, I was so bored at work, even with my Nook and my phone. I didn't have access to facebook, or my email (since I don't have data plan on my phone), I didn't know what to do with myself. Normally I would read a book, but since I gave up fiction books for Lent, can't read any of those. You would think hey, college student, well hey! perfect solution, just study! But I couldn't becuase all of my study material is on my laptop. And it leads me to think, what the heck is this world coming to???

College students bring their laptops to class to pretend they're taking notes when they're really just playing games. Phones are no longer just for calling people, their for everything that you could possibly think of. Paperback books are not necessary because there's electronic e-readers now and who needs live musicians now when you can listen to them from your laptop, phone or ipod??  Everything is so accessible now that no one of my generation would know what to do if it suddenly went away.

I read an article in the Washinton Post yesterday that blew me away. Parents are neglecting their kids because they're too busy on their iphones. One person in the article reported that her husband started cheking his email DURING intercourse. People are so wired that if there isn't a screen in front of them that they don't know how to have fun anymore. One of my friends once told me that she has trouble expressing herself outside of IM sometimes. Even me, I don't really remember how to have a friend outside of the internet. I don't know how I did it in high school, easily making friends, meeting guys, having boyfriends, having fun PERIOD without a computer attached to me. Sometimes...it just doesn't seems possible anymore.

Trusting friends

Friends are the people who are supposed to get you the most. People whom you trust and expect to get your back. The people who you expect to tell you how it is and be truthful and honest to you. Friends are not people whom you use just because you'd be lonely without them. They are not there to just keep you company, and frienemies, those people you keep close to you because they're actually an enemy, that's just plain wrong. Girls have become such idiotic creatures these days when it comes to friends. Friends are the ones who you have gone through thick or thin.

Surf/Turf, Barf HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Yo, been a few days. First of all, I want to say I found this really awesome Food Blog called the The Food Pornographer. Yes, Weird name, and yet, she takes awesome pictures of food. She even makes fast food look yummy.

So, this weekend was pretty jammed packed. Friday, I went out with Connie and Erika to eat Chili's. It wasn't fair because Erika, usually the sober one, got to alcohol, and I was only allowed to take sips, because I was driving. not fair.

Saturday, we woke up late, and so were almost late to Bible Study. We studied James 5:7-20, about patience and prayer. It was a good one, although it was all very ADD and hard to stay on track. But then, that's just our style. Next went to see Scarlett in Baltimore. We had fun. Antique shopping in Ellicott City, Grocery shopping, Wine shopping, T-Bone steak and eggs at Double T Diner and then hanging out in her room. Pretty darn awesome Halloween.

Sunday, Sammie decided to wake me up by barfing on my bed. I had just gotten out of bed to let her off the bed, and I guess she couldn't wait. So, had to do throw my sheets in the laundry and take a shower to get the barf off me. She then decided to barf on the bench couch. 2nd load of laundry. After that, she barfed on the other cushion of the bench coach without getting up, so the barf was all over her. Doggy Bath and 3rd laundry load. Barfed twice more, but this time on the floor. Did I mention this started at 7am in the morning?

After that, went to church, and then lunch with my parents, Erika, Cindy and Elizabeth, the 16 yr old I like to hang out with when I get a chance. Then Cindy, Elizabeth and I went to Target for wrapping paper. Elizabeth and I went to my house to wrap the Operation Christmas Child shoe boxes, and Sammie decided to barf on my feet and Lucky's tail. Large Doggy Bath. Elizabeth decided to stay for dinner. Dinner was Surf and Turf Feast. My dad cooked, too bad I forgot to take a picture. Crab legs, Lobster tails, Mussels, Shrimp, Steak, Ribs, Giant Potatoes and broccoli for the vegetable. mmmmm yum.

Painting murals for Halloween

The finished hall

I got bored on Friday when hanging out with Connie and Erika

When having a potluck bible study, What do all asians bring?

DUMPLINGS!!!!

Scarlett needed razors so we went to the grocery store

Elizabeth says I look like Santa Claus....

Roommates, Crisises and Procrastination

So, on monday, I went to class and found out the outline for my semester term paper was due, then found out the same day that I was doing it all wrong and had to start over. I had to choose a new topic, do new research, and start over on my outline. Two months of work down the drain and a nervous break down, later, I managed to email my professor a brand new outline, hopefully along the right lines, and it only took me 12 hours of continuous work.

Today I was supposed to work on my other papers, but I've been procrastinating. I didn't wake up until 1pm, and made my computer unusable by running diagnostics on it because it was so slow. Now, I'm watching my roommate get all dolled up to go on a date with a guy who's not her boyfriend. She's trying to make her boyfriend jealous because he isn't paying attention to her. I find it quite hilarious.

The most horrifying part to me, is that I actually care what she wears and when she asks me questions about the clothes she's trying on, I actually answer with a good answer. I used to never care about clothes and how they looked on other people. When people watching, I would notice things that I might want to copy for my own appearance, but not in the sense that I care how other people looked unless they were utterly repulsive. But, now when my roommate freaks out about shoes, I am able to tell her what kind of shoes to wear, I can tell the difference between flats, heels and other types of shoes and I know somewhat what shoe goes with what type of outfit. It's so sad....

Anyway, here's some pictures of what I did over the weekend:

we went shopping and I was dressing up my daddy

I decided to get into the fun

I'm not sure what my mother is eating there

I'm obsessed with frozen yogurt. This is mine

Cindy's yogurt

Erika's yogurt. She put peanut butter yogurt....

I went shopping with Elizabeth at the new Five below, tried on a hat.

I always mess up my pretty yogurt before I can take a picture....=(

It really did look a lot prettier...so much so that the cashier took a picture

this is Elizabeth's yogurt, very pastelly

notice anything you might like Scarlett?

put up a new poster in my room

My wonderful day

So today started out okay, but steadily got worse. Classes went well, I had an exam review, and the DEA gave a presentation in one of my classes. That was kind of cool. Talked to this guy, that turned out to be entertaining. He's kind of cool. Then my sister came. That is when everything steadily went south.

Erika saw me on the phone, and obviously wanted to know who it was. I couldn't tell her because Lisa was in the room. Well, Erika figured it out eventually, and like I had predicted, which is why I tried not to let Erika find out, she freaked out. She was mainly upset that I let a stranger have my phone number. I understand, but still, I know there is going to be resulting drama from this....and it sux. So then the guy was talking to started to chicken out and say he didn't want to cause trouble and that is thinking of not talking to me anymore....sigh!!!!!!

So then I had to go to work. For some reason, I guess people decided to all come to the ballston labs tonight. Usually no one is there!!!! Everyone was printing and asking me questions when I just wanted to rock out to my music and ride out my anger. But no, I couldn't.

So here I am still angry with myself, my sister and the guy. I'm done with work and just wanna go back to my room. The Security Guard called the shuttle. Which didn't come for an HOUR. The security guard, my friend and I, all called like 4 times....So now I'm completely pissed off.

Shoes, Class and Filesharing

So, today was really cool. I had my Crime, Media and Culture class today. We had guest speakers come in. They did a general presentation on IT security and other such stuff. But the cool part was the demonstration in Computer Forensics. They demonstrated how they can get information from any memory device, even if it's been deleted. Even though it's probably pretty routine for them, I thought it was awesome. I've always wanted to know how they do that. The other thing I want to learn someday is how to fix a corrupted drive, although that's a little harder.

Went shoe shopping today. Picked up some athletic shoes and some Airwalk chucks. Had to go alone even though I invited Lisa along. I don't think she really wants to hang with me at all. Kinda sad that I'm not loved, but hey what can I do? I can only try so hard. Anyway, for the rest of the night I thought I would work on my Educational paper. What's an educational paper you might ask? Well, actually it's a punishment paper that I must right because I got caught doing something naughty. It wasn't that bad, but because of stupidity and not quite ignorance, I got caught so I must pay for the crime. Should I have been doing it? No. of course not. It's illegal. What did I get caught for? File sharing. *smirks* yes, I know, stupid stupid me. Mmm…of course…anyone who's reading this, you shouldn't do it either. BAD, stop doing it right now!

So yeah, I have to write a 3 page scholarly paper on Joel Tenenbaum and also on ideas for how to better educate MU on filesharing. Fun fun…. Not!

My kind of sick weekend

This past weekend, I went home to my family. I was supposed to go to a charity concert being hosted by Bridgeway, but Erika got too sick to go, so I worked the night shift for my mother instead. This weekend turned out to be out, except for the fact that now I'm kind of sick. Here's how it went:

Friday night, I couldn't sleep like so many other Friday nights when I come home, because the dogs are so excited to see me, they sleep with me and keep me up all night. Finally went to sleep at 4am, but had to wake up at 9:30 to go to the Book Festival with Scarlett. The Festival was kinda cool even if I didn't get to see James Patterson or the Target dog. Scarlett and I did see Holly Black and the guy who co-authored the Spiderwick Chronicles with her. Since we sat in line for about 1 1/2 hours to see them, Scarlett and I got to know the people who were sitting around us. In front of us, were this mother and daughter. The daughter was only 10 but in some aspects she was much wiser than her years, and in others, she was much younger. I really liked her mother, seemed like a very sensible lady. Behind us, was a mother with her 2 kids and another boy she brought along. The 2 young boys she brought with her were brats who kept stepping on my toes…but her baby boy was uber cute. She was kind of a really cool person too. She had two lip rings and her background of a librarian political activist grandmother led for some cool stories to entertain us. Our little group talked about everything from books, to shoes. The ten year old girl turned out to have quite a shoe fetish.

After I came home from the book festival, I was supposed to nap, but I went shopping instead. I bought several new books, including Tricks by Ellen Hopkins and Catching Fire (2nd book of Hunger Games) by Suzanne Collins. Both really good books, you all should check them out! I also picked up some groceries for the house, so that when I come home there will actually be food for me to eat. I tried to take a nap once I got home, but ended up reading instead.

I think it is quite obvious that I was rather tired the next day when I had to go to church. But go to church I did, and then I went out to eat with Scarlett and Zoe to celebrate Zoe's birthday. We went to this Vegetarian place called the Great Sage. Wonderful little vegetarian place, also has vegan stuff, and even though I will forever be a carnivore, The food was quite nice. I do admit the food was on the expensive side, at least I think so, but the atmosphere was nice. I really liked our waitress, she was really pretty and had a cool hat, but was kind of spacey so she didn't get that great of a tip.

Erika got abhorrently sick on Sunday, so much so that my mother told me to stay away from her. I think I caught a little of her bug though because on Monday, I got sick too. I think it was more out of fatigue that I was sick though because after a lot of sleep and taking some pills, I appear to be better now. I still have a giant headache and felt like I had to vomit this morning, but other than that, I feel find, if a little tired.

A lot of oops

So This past weekend and the week so far...have been a lot of serious oops. None of which I wish to share other than to say I wish I had never done any of it. Thankfully, I didn't get into much trouble. Other than that, I have little to write about since my roommate has been wallowing about her miserable life in the room with me. She may turn out to be a smart person after all. I think I'm rubbing off on her a lil...good or bad is yet to be seen. Anyway, that is all I have to say today. I am way too tired to think.

School and other things

So, Here I am, a brand new start at my new school, and I'm loving it! Gotta love MU, cuz it's a quaint private Catholic School, expensive for sure, so I had better love it! So here's what's gone on so far in my lovely new start to school:

• My roomate is a 17 yr freshman
• I live in the all freshman section of the freshman floor in my hall
• My roommate refers to me as the 21 yr old to our floor section mates
• I love my professors and my classes except for my Criminology class
• Started working out a couple times a week
• joined Fitness club!!! YAY!!!!!
• made a friend by randomly talking to her while waiting for a shuttle
• got a job in the computer labs
• spend most of my time alone in my room b/c I have so few friends...
• This weekend will be my first weekend on campus!!! yay!!
• Going to check out Mikey's church on sunday

Yep, so that pretty much sums up everything that's gone on since I started school. I really need to get a camera or something so that I can post pics and stuff...

Waking Up

So I've noticed something, I have issues. Ok, It's not something that I just noticed, more like something that's recurring. What happened? Well I'm going to tell you whether you care or not.

This morning, all I wanted to do was sleep. Was I allowed to? No. From 7:30am, I was repeatedly woken up. At about 9:30 I lost it. Lost my brains that is. My dog was barking non-stop. I knew what she wanted and could have just given it to her. But instead, I got really angry and started yelling and screaming at her. Then my sister started calling. First she calls the house phone, thn she calls my cell phone, then the house phone again!!! I'm trekking up and down the stinking stairs trying to reach the phone she's currently calling to tell her to SHUT THE F*** UP!!!! So when I finally do get hold of her, I yell and scream into the phone, and hang up on her. It wasn't until about 10 minutes later and after I had calmed down did I realize she might have been calling me for something important since she was so insistant.

So, do I have issues? Yes, Yes I do. But then, God is gracious. Thank the Lord, someone forgives me, cuz I know for sure my sister hasn't.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" - 1 John 1:9

Buying clothes

Do you know the wonders of a navy base store? or for any military store that is? Today I went shopping at the Navy Exchange. In the clothing aisles, we went to the 75% off section. Now here's the thing. The military takes name brand clothing like Liz Claiborne, Columbia, North face, and Calvin Klein, and drops the price by $10-$30(depending on the brand) for their customers. Then, when the season's over, they put them on clearance. If the clothing STILL doesn't sell, they put everything in the 75% off the clearance price section.

So, If you don't mind being a season out of style, You can be like my family who spent $30 on 20 pieces of clothes. Mind you, this is not a thrift store. These are brand new clothes. On our total purchase we saved $111 and that's just the military's price on them!!!

Blowing off steam

So, I think I mentioned this before, but I gave up Facebook, Manga and My Nintendo DS for Lent. So far, I've been doing awesome. However, In my email, I get all this mail from Facebook!!! Telling me my friends have tagged me in this and that. What sux is, I can't get on Facebook to change that. But God has prepared me for just such a temptation by giving me this verse "No Temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

So with this I know that I can withstand it through my outlet, Blogger!!!

Frustrations

Someone once told me, and I also read in a book, that it is good to get your feelings out whenever possible. I have a journal, but I'd rather write it here. I am so frustrated! I am a Christian. I try to do Bible Quiet times. A quiet time is when you read the bible, and communicate with God. I was doing that today, and my sister walks in. She was angry and upset, for reason which I still do not know, and started yelling and screaming. She accused me, saying it's my fault because I did not help her by opening the door. Now quiet times are sacred and private. And above all, they are quiet. I wanted to finish before she came home, because when she comes home, there IS no quiet or privacy. When I said I was doing my quiet time, she acted like she didn't care, and she really doesn't. Instead of starting a fight like I normally do, I helped clean up and put away groceries that she brought home. She stopped yelling at me, but she's still angry and I'm so frustrated. Almost to the point of anger. I wish I could yell out! SCREAM!!!! ARGH!!!!

Snow Day

Today is a snow day! The one thing I always hate about Blogs is that any information you put on the information is a little more information someone can use to figure out where you live and decide to do something strange if they want. So if I write today is a snow day, you could effectively at lest narrow down areas that are snowing, not that it would do much good since I'm not writing anything more than It's a snow day!!!

So, Here's a little story about such a thing. A man in Information Security was giving a speech on Cyber Safety. The organizers gave him a name of one of the people who would definitely be attending. The day of the speech, the man met a boy named D for a few minutes before he gave the speech. When he started speaking, he called up the person whose name he was given. This person's name was T. Now T, had no idea what was going on. The man, said 'T, I was able to find your name, in several newspapers and newsletters.' He was a runner for his local school and did several other public activities. The man then said, 'T, here's where I found out your mother's name, where you live, where you go to school, and oh, Here's a list of your friends that I found.' The man had enough information that he could stalk the person for a few days and get enough information to steal his identity completely. After he was done comepletely scaring T, he calls up D. He said 'now D, We only met a few minutes before I started, right? Well, here's your name, where you go to school, and where you live.'

Isn't that scary? and this is just someone giving a cyber safety speech. Now you might think I just wrote that up randomly, but it's a true story.

First Post

What better way to start off Lent than to start a new blog? Especially since I need to find something else to do with my time since I gave up facebook, manga(both online and book form), and My Nintendo DS. So basically, I gave up my whole life and all my distractions at the same time. What fun. But in the end, I just have to remember that it is for God that I do this and spiritual growth.

So my blog will most be just my randomness. Don't pay attention to me =D YAY!